Growing up thinking you were the ugly duckling—while the same-sex parent was a swan—did a number on my self-esteem and self-worth.
Going to an all-girls school built up one part of me that, in hindsight, was the most important thing to build first: my resilience. My ability to figure out how to fix something without someone’s help. The knowledge that I could do it all by myself. The male-and-female relationship dynamic was put aside, and we could tackle that later—which we did.
I was not awkward. By the time I reached higher education, I had built a personality that did not care and did not depend on anyone.
But the thing that still makes me ponder to this day is this: why was I chosen to represent the school at a forum with other institutions of the same level?
As usual, this was a prestigious thing. We would be meeting the Prime Minister at the end of it. I was not a citizen of the country. And when I looked around at the others from my course who were chosen, I had crappy grades compared to them. There were others of my race there too, with better grades, if that was the reason.
So confused me went to this event.
It was a four-day event. We were mixed into groups with others from the other institution—males and females, different backgrounds, different studies. What I noticed was that these were the smart and hardworking kids who had been sent here.
Me being who I was, I did what I do best: I was myself, and I led the way in figuring things out.
Looking back, that also solved the mystery for me. I had the gift of the gab. I took charge and made sure things went the way they were supposed to. In other words: I was a leader.
I do not remember if a leader was ever officially chosen. But I knew another male and I were the indirect leaders of the pack. We totally had fun. Other groups later said they wished they had been in mine.
The first evening, I slept in my designated room with four other girls from my group. The second day, however, I was asked—pleaded and begged—by the boys to come join them in their room. They promised I would get my own bed and that I would be safe.
I knew I would be. They were all already doing my bidding by then.
Yes, I was very safe. And no, we did not sleep much—as all sleepovers go. We talked about anything and everything and had fun. One of my roommates knew where I was and even dropped by to say hi. A fellow course mate was confused when she came to find me in my room.
That was the first lesson I got: the males did pay attention to me. There were comments that it was sad I was not available. (That story of why will come.) I was not as unattractive as I had thought I was.
That was also the start of comments from the male population that they had a liking for me. Some were words about whether I was single. Others said that person was lucky.
Little did I know, this would be the start of me learning that men did see me—and would ring me up if they had the opportunity to. My attention on them was what they wanted.
The little ugly duckling was starting to see that maybe she was a swan too.
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