At 19, I thought I knew what I wanted and how to get it.
At that age, I took the first opportunity that came my way to solve what felt like a life that was slowly draining my essence away. What I did not know was that I was going from one burning house to another house that was already in full flame.
My frontal cortex at that age was definitely not developed, and I knew nothing about why I had to wait for it to mature. I was unable to see the giant red flag being waved in my face. And when you add a little bit of “I am young and I have the world figured out,” it was just a matter of time before the whole shit show went kaboom.
Life in Norway was not easy by any means. I had to navigate learning the language, being a wife, being in a relationship—and finding it all overwhelming. I more or less hit the wall not long after coming to Norway.
What would be dismissed in Asia was taken seriously here. Medication and mental help were given. I did not realize it then, but that was the first time the system caught me when I was falling—and it would not be the last.
Here is what I have learned since: the brain does not finish building the part that protects you until you are about 25. The prefrontal cortex—the seat of judgment, long-term thinking, and impulse control—is still under construction at 19. So when people ask me how I could have married a stranger at 19, the honest answer is: I was not equipped not to.
I was not stupid or naive. I was not done developing.
I do not blame the 19-year-old. She did what she could with the best of her knowledge and abilities. Predators are everywhere, preying on the innocent and ill-equipped to see what really lurks behind the mask of Prince Charming.
The dragon does not blame her. She now protects her—and warns others like her about Prince Charming and what lies behind his mask.
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